Notes to neighborhood campaign workers:
1 - We have already voted
2 - I am grouchy when I am woken up
3 - I am extraordinarily grouchy when I am woken up from a Shabbat nap
We had an out-of-town guest over for Shabbat lunch, and when I finally settled down for a nap, the doorbell rang. The dog, who was already a little wound up from being relegated to the basement during lunch, and who had started anticipating his afternoon walk, went ballistic.
Since they rang the doorbell, the electric doorbell, on Shabbat, I was pretty sure it wasn't any of my friends from shul, so I would have been content to let them leave whatever literature they had, and go away. Sage the Dog had other ideas. No! He barked, they must be driven away, so that they shall never return!
Her (and her daughter, given the Great Privilege of Holding the Clipboard): "Hi, I'm looking for Susan Sharf."
Me: "Um, yes, what for?"
Her: "Well, we're with the unaffiliated group MoveOn.org"
Me (restraining myself): "And?" (Unspoken: yes, you're unaffiliated like my dog is a chihuahua. Right, Susie's a registered Democrat.)
Me (recovering): "She can't really come to the door right not."
Her: "When would be a good time to come back?"
Me (thinking): "After I have the trap door installed under the Welcome Mat, leading to the dungeon with the alligators and hungry wolves."
Me (for real): "Ah, yes, actually, she's already voted."
Her: "Do you know how she voted?"
Remember, this is in front of a house with a Coors for Senate sign and a Bush/Cheney 04 sign.
Me: "That would be our business."
"How did she vote?" How did she vote? I know this woman was old enough to have a daughter old enough to carry the clipboard. But I'm sure if she thinks way back to the dark ages when she was in grade school, she remembers folding the little piece of paper in class elections, so nobody would see that she didn't vote for her best friend, but instead voted for the cute guy in 4th row. Or she could go down to King Sooper and ask the election judge why the voting booth has curtains.
I have never been asked how I voted, much less how someone else voted.
Later in the evening, after Shabbat ended, Greg Golyansky came by. Mr. Golyansky is running as a Republican against the Permanent Colorado House Minority Tsar Andrew Romanoff. There's something delicious about a Republican Jew running against a man named Romanoff for political office. Of course, he's got no chance in hell of winning in this district, but it was clever to nominate a Former Soviet Unionik here, too.
And now, we have another yard sign.